Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
