I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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