It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
