: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
