He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
