On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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