I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
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If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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