Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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