That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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