Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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