You're completely useless in the revolution.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
