wat bout pragnant strippers??
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
