Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
