I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
