if i died would you start the facebook group?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
