I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
