seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
