You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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