I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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