u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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