just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
