How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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