toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Randomize
