I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
why does every cop we meet know your name?
God, I missed his penis.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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