today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
