You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
