Best friends brother. Beat that.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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