My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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