Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
