Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
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He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
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I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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