1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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