Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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