so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
nutella sex= disaster
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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