My sheets look like a crime scene.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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