No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
sex in a hospital.. check
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
