so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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