Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
