I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
