where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
