then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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