dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
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Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
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The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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