i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
