we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
