I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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