i permit you to call me
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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