Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
