there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he shaved USA in his pubs
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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