halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
