im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
