Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
