I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
