U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
