i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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