So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize