You just made me feel so damn special
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
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You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
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well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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