he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
