Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Let's get the cat blown out
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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