When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I am naked and annoyed.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
