Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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