I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
