I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
