im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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