The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
