I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would one night stand the shit outta him
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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